Dumbledore Explains
by Dahasmaga
Summary: After the Triwizard Tournament, Harry asks Dumbledore 'Why'. Why he didn't notice Moody was actually Crouch, why he didn't help Harry train, why he was allowed to compete. Dumbledore finally answers.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

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><p>Harry sat in Headmaster Dumbledore's office silently facing the desk, still weak and slightly trembling from the Cruciatus curses he'd taken in the graveyard from Voldemort. Dumbledore was standing facing Fawkes, stroking him softly as the Phoenix gently sang. All around the walls the portraits of past Headmasters looked on.<p>

Harry was startled by Dumbledore suddenly speaking. "I assume you have some questions, since you asked Professor McGonagall for a meeting with me. Possibly about the Tournament, or what Voldemort's return means?" Turning around with one eyebrow raised, he slowly walked towards the desk to sit down.

"Yes sir. It's just... how could you allow Crouch to pretend to be Moody all year without noticing? And why didn't you do more to help me?" Gradually raising his voice until he was shouting, Harry gestured in confusion. "How did I manage to be portkeyed out of Hogwarts and why did noone manage to get to me to help?"

Amidst the looks of disapproval at Harry for shouting from the portraits, Dumbledore just closed his eyes and nodded. "I deeply regret not being aware of young Bartemius using polyjuice. But you have to understand my boy, that sometimes one cannot be everywhere and do everything. Alastor was always antisocial, always avoided too much contact, and would view any spells that would have found the imposter as an attack, which he would have reacted violently to."

Taking a deep breath, and stopping Harry with his hand when it looked like he was about to talk, Dumbledore continued. "As well as that, I am not just Headmaster of this school, as much as I love it. You may not have heard since Hogwarts can be... sheltered, but there were several large Muggle conflicts this year. Bosnia, for example, had twenty thousand Witches and Wizards directly at risk from something the Muggle authorities called 'Operation Deliberate Force'. There was much discussion about the ICW getting involved and negating the need for it, and then the best way to evacuate or prevent it. Much discussion and arguing went on, and as the Supreme Mugwump I had to keep the conversation going to attempt to protect those twenty thousand people. I am afraid that I could only be at Hogwarts for the tasks."

"But, but..." Harry tried to complain that this was wrong, that Dumbledore had missed something, some way that he could have been there to directly help him. "But you should have been here as Headmaster!"

Dumbledore only nodded. "I agree Harry. It has become more and more obvious that this is the case. Especially since Voldemort's return. I'll have to give a speech before the ICW about the fact that Voldemort has returned and urge them to aid Britain before resigning, but I worry that Cornelius will claim in the British media that I have been removed for senility or similar."

"Why didn't you do that earlier?" Harry asked.

"I made a mistake. Us adults do it too, unlikely as it seems," Dumbledore tried to joke, pinching his lips a moment as it fell flat. "I assumed that I was capable of dealing with all three positions, an assumption which turns out to have been a most disastrous one."

While Harry thought that Dumbledore was just making excuses, he felt like he would be whining if he continued so he changed the subject. "And once I was in the Triwizard Tournament sir? Why didn't you do something like end the Tournament? And why didn't you help me or ask one of the Professors to help me? Viktor and Fleur both had help from their Headmasters!"

"You know as well as I do Harry, that it is against the rules for me to aid you since I helped organise the Tournament and knew the tasks. Since I lit the Goblet of Fire, and since I put in the tasks, I was under much stricter rules than them. I feared that if I had helped you or even asked one of the Professors to help then I would lose my life or magic. But then it is not all my fault. You could have asked for more help. You were a champion of the school. Except for me you could have asked anyone from the whole school. I firmly believe any of my faculty would have aided you."

Not believing that Snape would have helped in any way but not wanting the same argument he'd had before, Harry just nodded.

"I am sorry my boy, sorry to the bottom of my heart that I did not do more to keep you out of the Tournament. But you have to understand, that it is the choices that make us what we are. You had to make the choice to train yourself to the utmost. I could not force you to become a champion of the Light to face Voldemort. I would not want to, and it would in all likelihood damage your most important abilities: your ability to love, and your ability to trust."

Shaking his head in denial, Harry tried to argue "But you could have said that I was likely to face him again and offered me training. I would have chosen to do so."

Sadly, Dumbledore closed his eyes as if in pain and looked away a moment. "I do not like to criticise Harry, but I do not think that would have happened. After first year you knew Voldemort was not fully dead but you did nothing. After second year you knew there was a possibility of him coming back a different way but again you did nothing more than you had to, choosing Divination because it was easy and a subject because of friendship, not use. If asked for advice I would have suggested differently, but I do not want to take away your choices."

Harry winced at the reminder of why he chose Divination, a subject he hated and for which he simply made up off the top of his head.

"It is always difficult," said Dumbledore, "choosing between what is easy and what is right, but I had to allow you that choice because doing otherwise would mean forcing you to do something against your will and making you into a soldier. Then, just last year, you heard a true prophecy that he would definitely return, and soon. This year you did nothing to train yourself until right up to the first task."

Unable to refute the statements Harry hung his head in shame, unable to look Dumbledore in the eyes.

In a voice heavy as lead Dumbledore continued. "I left it as long as I possibly could to allow you the childhood you should have and not put too many responsibilities on your head. But if you weren't in the Tournament then soon after Halloween I would have started a duelling tournament within Hogwarts, offering you training to help. From your frankly marvellous learning to cast a Patronus last year it was obvious you need a clear and present reason to train, but when you have one you can do wonders. I merely wanted to provide you with a reason you would claim as your own."

"So why didn't you do that and keep me out of the Tournament?" Harry asked quietly, still looking away from the Headmaster.

"Because the Tournament would train you better, because removing you would look too much like I was coddling you. And because I truly believed that you have the capability of greatness. I believed that you would rise up to the challenge and show the world that Harry Potter is not just 'the Boy Who Lived'. If I tried to keep you away you would believe the opposite: that I did not think you capable." Looking back to the Headmaster, Harry saw Dumbledore smile widely, his eyes glinting. "And you did. You showed yourself the equal to the best of other schools. You took the Cup at the same time as another Champion years older than you. I am proud of you my boy."

Harry smiled shyly back, unable to take the praise calmly, before taking a deep breath to centre himself before asking "So what now Sir? What's going to happen now?"

"Well, I'm sorry to say that you have to back to the Dursleys." Stopping Harry's angry outburst with one hand, Dumbledore continued in a voice that slowly grew louder and firmer. "There are wards there, special wards that have stopped countless attacks on you when you were young that would have killed you. Wards that stopped poisoning attempts by post, that warned me of those that take children and attack them in ways that remove their childhood. That protect you still."

Harry could only nod, feeling unable to argue with Dumbledore in this mood.

"It is not so bad, Harry. You only need to be there a month, and then we can bring you to the Weasleys, or perhaps your godfather."

Harry looked up, eyes bright in hope at the thought. Dumbledore only nodded in acknowledgement.

"And meanwhile, I recommend you continue learning and training to fight if needed. You made the choice this year to learn more than others, to practise spells more and become what you needed to do well in the Tournament. I hope you choose to continue doing so." As Harry nodded firmly in agreement, Dumbledore smiled at him. Turning away and pulling at his beard, Dumbledore almost mumbled, as if in thought. "Meanwhile, we must prepare to fight against Voldemort. I have some... friends, that agree with me about these things. A small but powerful group to fight against the coming darkness. Unfortunately if you take part you will become too large a target. Trust me in this my boy, you will have a place fighting against Voldemort. I will not try and stop this. But you need to trust me about when to fight."

"Thank you Sir," Harry said as he stood up, "I need to pack and get ready for the Hogwarts Express."

Dumbledore smiled kindly and gestured him towards the door. "Of course my boy. I'll see you tomorrow for the Leaving Feast."

As Harry left the room and go down the stairs, Dumbledore felt tears coming from his eyes. Allowing them to fall, he whispered "I'm so sorry Harry, but I still can't tell you everything. I only wish that you forgive me if you find out the whole truth."


End file.
